Leading Invisible Lives, what is it?
When thinking back over my life a phrase came to mind and I think that a lot of us can relate to it and it was called leading invisible lives.
At the time I would not have been aware of it I just knew that there was more to life than what I was living. There was more to being in a relationship where you were not seen, as a parent where you fulfilled a role , a career that you did very well in, that may or may not give you pleasure but the feeling was temporary.
It is a life of routine meeting the same people, doing the same things working at the same job feeling the same feelings, on the treadmill of life. When I look back that’s what it felt like I was invisible and looking for a way not only to see myself as worthy, I wanted to be part of a relationship where you love, appreciate and see the other person in relationship with you and not assume they are there. That you have rights to make decisions that are respected and not seen as a threat because you are not codependent on another for happiness but respected for making a decision that is right for you.
The awareness of the need for change was there long before it happened. It started with a desire to expand to grow to find meaning to discover a connection to something bigger, to see myself as a woman, a person, a power, valued and respected for their opinions and experiences. To be heard because I have something important to say, to become a real person in my own right, to honour my feelings, to trust my gut to take leaps of faith. To live rather than exist.
All of these I did. I learned to let go of what no longer worked ,I did learn to trust my gut, to take a leap of faith ( there have been a few of those) , to value myself, to honour my experiences and biggest of all to trust that in making these decisions that I was looked after and guided and protected. Its been some ride up and down, people leaving and amazing new #powerfulconnections coming in. I discovered a passion about learning about neuroplasticity the brains ability to wire itself and how we can use it to change our lives. I have learned most of all that we are so much more powerful than we realize.
You may be at this stage of awareness and feel the need to change. So the choice is yours, do you feel like you are living an invisible life? if so do you want to do something about it . You can learn to see yourself first as a person of value,that you have everything you need within you to change, you do that you change your world from the inside out and for the better.
I have learned from experience that I have the ability to highlight peoples blindspots to see the bigger picture and what it is you can do to start your transformation. To see life from a different perspective. To see what is holding you back and what you can do to change it.
Life is ever expanding comfort zone, each time you learn expand and grow, you after the initial fear, become more comfortable with it you learn and appreciate the value of your life’s experiences and your expanding power. Each experience adds to the value of who you are. When you focus on the value of you, you see the value in others. When you have knowledge and the willingness to change you can transform you life. You have the power!
If you are ready and willing please book in for a discovery call and we can see how we can work together so you can change your life!
Well its March and the snow has made its presence felt pretty much all over Ireland. I had totally new experience for the first time in my life I was alone facing a epic force of nature. I have recently moved to Athlone and am living in the country literally at edge of a bog. I was prepared with food, heat and electricity. All the things we take for granted. Even thought I was alone which I actually did not mind too much I was fearful of losing what I had and the greatest of these were electricity.These were not something that I could control but the fear that came up was real particularly as I faced into the worse of the storm. I charged my laptop, made sure my spare battery was charged . I did talk to myself and say what was the worst that could happen and even if it did happen would I survive. Of course I would survive I had a fantastic house that would keep me safe, cooked some extra food just in case.
Fear of the unknown, whats the worse that can happen. For anyone who is following their dream or destiny learn to trust that they are taken care of. When I got out of the fear of worse case scenario and I forgot the tools that were in my arsenal . I do believe in the power of intent, instead of concentrating on what is the worse that can happen you think about what you would like to happen instead and it worked. Gratitude for what you have, really powerful. The ability to get out , get fresh air between the snow showers was invigorating. So I concentrated on all the things I could do for myself including taking time to write even thought it was only in short bursts it was enough to start the creative juices.
So day 4 since the snow started and because I concentrated to all the things I am grateful for, still have heat food and electricity and even though some of the pipes froze I still have water coming into the house. The contact with my family and friends made a huge difference we do need human connection and I appreciated it so much ,my lovely neighbour who called yesterday with drinking water all helped the make the experience not the worst I have been through. I did discover I broke the experience into timeline which was at its peak at the worst of the storm and when I thought I was over the worst I could see the light at the end of the tunnel it uplifed my spirits.
I re acquainted myself with trust and knowledge that I have all the help and support I need. The time allowed me to deal with fear and overcome it . I do believe that no experience is wasted and this was one I needed to face on my own, there was no escaping it or the emotions that came up but they were my emotions and I knew that it was ok to acknowledge them.I also found that the grief that I had been putting a lid on for years also came up but that is for another time .Having time to yourself allows you to feel, there is no distraction from all emotions that you had buried because of busyness in surviving. For me it was ok for emotions to come up and be felt, there was no need to beat myself up just be gentle and do what I know worked when the time felt right.
We have everything we need within us and it will not steer us wrong! Hug of love to everyone.
If you wish to have a chat about working with me am starting 8 week one to one bespoke empowerment program where we deal with what is holding you back and you learn to appreciate and value yourself . Life changing !
It has been happening for years but very slowly women are beginning to find their feminine power. Its been a long slow journey and we still have a way to go but once it started happening and there is no stopping it now. Looking back over the centuries Women have had their power eroded away and found themselves somehow less important in a male world,given the role of home maker, housekeeper that their lives should revolve around the family and that everyone else was more important than they were. They fed everyone else first and themselves last. Everyone in Ireland in particularly know this mother.It was bottling up a huge power within the home, where mothers lived their lives through their children and their achievements and a formidable force that was contained in a small area. Women had no choice if they were working before they got married, they had to give up with work once they were married. Times have changed and women are finding out what it is to be feminine and be powerful. The Genie is out of the bottle now and its not going back now!
Modern society has judged women by superficial beauty and everyone has an opinion and feel free to share it. An outer, so called beauty, that was not reflective of inner happiness. So women tried to change how they look for an idealized type of beauty that did not take into account of the beauty that is the most important of all the beauty within. That is the part that is changing, women are feeling that power within them, it is a who they are in all their glory, being loving, creative, collaborative, supportive, inspired, powerful, intuitive, connected, emphatic, sensual.
The role of the sexes are changing and being redefined and both men and women are finding what it means to be truely male and female. Men brought up to man up, not to cry, to be a defender, power that can to be used to control, protect, main breadwinner, being waited on in family ,responsibility, duty. The job they do defines them and if they loose their jobs they can loose their identity. They are now trying to find out what it means to be male in this modern world . .
I think I am fairly representative of the experiences that women go through , I myself did not know what it was to be woman, I had spent my life playing roles that gave me no sense of who I was as a person. I trained as a nurse and it was a great outlet for caring for others ,it was also important for me in earning a living as it gave me great sense of independence. I found particularly difficult to give up ( even though it was by choice) when I had my children, as someone who earned their own living all their adult life from their late teens and then not to contribute financially to the family felt disempowering for me. When did I put a price on motherhood and demean my roles as mother instead of seeing it for what it was, priceless! So I felt myself sense of there was more than the life I was leading that I was unhappy and guilty about not earning and being dependent on my husband and and over compensating in what I did for everyone else. Meanwhile feeling that my world had gotten small, revolving around keeping the house tidy, cooking meals and looking after our children, and being critiqued if it was not perfect. Not the recipe for a happy life. The conflict of loving being a mother and the loss of identity not a great combination for happiness, but a great catalyst for change!
So change happened when I went looking for change. I trusted my gut on the courses I did , I knew the power in changing my thoughts, that our thought are reflected back our reality. I was driven by the knowledge that we are meant to be happy and fulfilled and it became my inner satellite navigation. I discovered my identity, what it is to be a woman, to feel guided and connected, to trust my instincts to be me. I have learned that place matters and where you live can feed your soul, that taking time out is essential to moving forward, its where the magic happens. To take a step back and still be a support and allow your children to find their own way. Positivity and Gratitude work. There is a wisdom that comes from life’s experiences and it needs to be shared. When you are guided, take a leap of faith it always leads to better things.
The biggest change of all is what I feel is my divine calling that I am guided to help other women . There are a lot of women who feel like I felt, whether it is in home or in business or both and they don’t have to live like that. They feel like they are a fraud and living life waiting to be unmasked or afraid to be seen, if they want to change they can do so, I can show what worked for me . So I am open for business, the business of helping women to value themselves. What and exciting time uplifting and empowering, feeding your inner fire, it is you!
When women support each other we are all uplifted, when one rises we all rise!
Starting 2018 from February :8 week course One to One, The Magnificent you!
Skype session once a week for 8 weeks tailored especially for your needs , dealing with: who are you , guilt , forgiveness, gratitude, trusting you gut, guiding you to find the power of being you! Truly transforming because in working one to one with you, you have what support you need for you to see the magnificent you!
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Go on your are worth it!
Switching off the news can help us relax and it can really help our children. In these days of information overload and 24hour news coverage our children have never been more exposed to world events and it is affecting them. Children watching the news have access to fears that we never had, fears of being bombed, of disappearing planes , kidnapping, terrorism, war, job losses, lack of money, struggling!
How are our children being affected, they are exposed to news and it’s hard to miss it, whether in the car or on the tv , parents are discussing it ,how many times have we said in front of our children isn’t terrible that such and such a thing happened. So their fears are real it is part of their world and that is even before they go to school and bring their fears with them. Fear of going to school somewhere new that might not be safe, fear of no friends, fear of not being good enough , smart enough beautiful enough handsome enough fear of failing and lots more fears..
Life is governed by fear, it’s used to control people and if we are fearful as adults our children become fearful as well! How often do we say “they are just like me” of course they are because you are who they model themselves on, they take all their que from you!
Our children have now more anxiety going to school than they ever had before and its time to change it. So start early be conscious of the news and programmes you are listening to and watching while they are up during the day, that can include talk shows! If your are watching the news then children are also watching the news, you can include babies if they are in the family start early and be careful with what they are hearing , they don’t need to be absorbing the fear the anger the angst ! So help your children and you relax a bit more and switch off the news during the day when the children are around something simple can change your lives!
I was given a lovely present of earrings for my birthday that I had never worn, the main reason was I could not find them. I had absolutely no recollection of taking them out at home and had long forgotten what jacket I was wearing! I presumed that they must have fallen out of my pocket or bag and I had not noticed. I had been asked by my friend recently if I liked wearing them. I could have lied and said I loved them, that would have made me feel uncomfortable, so I told her the truth, that there was no sign of the earrings , I was afraid that I would have hurt her feelings but she took it well and let the matter drop. My daughter was going out and borrowed a jacket belong to me (what’s mine is hers, lol) one that I had not worn for months and lo and behold there were the earrings safe and sound. So now I have the pleasure of wearing the beautiful earrings 8 months after they were given to me. I felt the joy all over again of when I first got them, the joy of finding them and wearing them, really made me feel blessed all over again!
Love receiving twice!
I found myself today in a situation, I had left the car in to be washed and hoovered its treat when it’s going for NCT and had gone for a cup of coffee while waiting for car to be ready. Ordered and arrived at till only to discover that I had no purse. The look of horror on my face said it all, Panic stations I thought I will have to abandon my breakfast take the car and head home.
The lovely lady at coffee shop said don’t worry pay later or tomorrow she reassured me. How lovely is that a willingness to trust me that I would come back and pay.
I also had a realization that I keep money in the car, if I paid for petrol and had cash left I would put what was left over into a wallet in the car and it built up over time, so amazingly I had money to pay for my breakfast and washing the car and buy petrol. Happy Days!
Shows how investing in yourself a little every day builds up so that when you need it you have the strength and wherewithal to face when life sends one of those growth spurts, you have energy put aside to deal with it!
New Years Eve 2015 last year was a dramatic day in which my child threatening to kill themselves and so starts it was pattern that was repeated at intervals through out the year .
So began a roller-coaster year where I discovered that I could not help or cure and unless someone wants to help themselves there is nothing you could do. I resisted antidepressants as I did not believe that they would help, I did what I thought would help, counsellors, healers, food supplements and lots more, nothing helped.
I was accused of not listening and not understanding, which was partly true, what I could not understand was that if you were miserable you do what it takes to make you happy ( it was what I did ) and that answer does not necessarily reside in one area only but in a combination and being open to try . It was the ‘I cant’ that I struggled with.
I could see how mothers could have broken hearts over their child’s struggle and feeling that inability to help. Along the way I learned something that I already know from personal experience that we are dis empowering our children by taking responsibility for their happiness and not teaching them the techniques to deal with life. We are so focused on education that we are missing out on teaching them to be happy with who they are regardless of their grades !
I learned the hard way about letting go that people need to help themselves and one of the hardest lessons is to take a step back and allow your child to make their own decisions and be responsible for their own life.
So that is what I did, I took a step back and allowed my child to decide what they wanted to do with their lives and supported them because it was not about me, it was their life and their choices! they are now in a better place and feeling happier about themselves than in the last couple of years. There is still some way to go but there light at the end of the tunnel which lifts my spirits!
So the year ended and as this is a New Year 2016 I took time to recover because the constant daily strain was a drain on my energy that has left me exhausted, I discovered stress fog where you don’t care about anyone or anything, and I knew that I needed to look after myself urgently, so I took time for myself ( realizing I had not a stretch of time off in 2 years) rested, took supplements, read, walked, went for energy treatments and chilled . It payed off I have now bounced back with a renewed lease of life a lot wiser and stronger after an amazingly challenging year with more insight feeling Wiser and Stronger!
As parents we do a huge amount for our children, we want to give them the best life has to offer sometimes whether or not they want it. We fill their lives with lots of after school activities so much so that both you and them can end up frustrated trying to get everything done. Its not only on your first child, add some siblings and your stress levels rise trying to give them all the best, equally.All this fills time and as a result there is no down time and you are trying to be SuperMum or Dad!
It becoming more noticeable now that children cannot cope with time on their own and because all aspects of their lives are supervised and held up to critical observation, they are loosing their perspective and any control they have over their own destiny. They have not developed their own coping skills as result they struggle when the hit their teens and view themselves from external experiences and as they have not tapped into the strengths within them , they don’t really andknow who they are.
A lot of adults are not happy in their lives and feel there is something missing and you can be sure that children are feeling it as well. So how do you go about feeling connected so that you do not feel alone.
How do you feel you are connected to the power within you.
Here are a 3 tips for parents and children…
Relax and Give your brain a rest!…Allow your children to relax and meditate… how do you do that…. Find a good quality cd , listen to it yourself and then put it on a night so that your child can listen to it as they are falling asleep , very therapeutic and relaxing. You could also try this as well great de stressor! Shared experiences.
Gratitude …..Get them to tell you what was the best thing that happened in their day the more they talk about it the stronger the feeling gets and the better they feel.
As an adult you might feel strange doing this, but believe me there is a positive charge from writing down all the things you have to be grateful for. If you do this at night it takes the worry away and sets you up for following day!
Power of Intent…… ask them what they would like to happen the next day/week, this opens up the world of magic as children are not limited by their beliefs as we are and it gives them freedom of their imagination.
As a parent how often do we dread going to work and vocalize it, worry about money etc ,why instead say and write down what you would like to happen at work, this is the power of intent, see how it changes your experiences. Look for the best not the worst.
This will help make your child feel connected and loved because it is not on external experiences like study exams but internal experiences and their are connecting to their feelings and who they are….. they are happiest in developing a sense of their own sense of self and the same goes for us adults we are never to old to feel connected and to love who we are!
I did not get paid on time this month or indeed last month . In this age where we have direct debits coming out we need money there to meet it. I’m telling you nothing that you don’t already know. I went into all sorts of emotional responses, anger , then it was how long should I be angry for , I spoke about it analyzed it, should I go straight to the top, why was it happening to me etc.
But it wasn’t just that I was not paid on time it was the energy that surrounded it, it became petty, not recognizing or being grateful for the magic that was happening around me.
A free lunch was not recognized because it was a dinner the last time and a 50 euro voucher was not treated as the gift it was. So not being paid on time brought me to a place where I stopped seeing the magic of the world around me.
When you think about it , it was only one event and only one aspect of my life but it impacted on how I felt thought and communicated with others. It was ok to be angry ( it was over a bank holiday weekend) but not to hold onto the anger, what was done could not be undone.
It does not matter how much work you have done on yourself there is always a trigger the will set you off and mine is about money and the fear of lack. It is something that I am working on , but that episode with the pay brought it to the fore once again to be dealt with and I do know that it will keep recurring until I master it!
Am a lot better than I was, though I have a bit to go, but I have a preference, it is that I have within me the knowing that everything was going to be ok that there is more than enough to go around …. than living in fear that I will never have enough! So I am choosing abundance …..not just of money but in all aspects of my life and tapping into the magic from everyday life!
So what one event in your life is colouring the world around you and affecting your outlook on life! and is it worth it to make you stop seeing the magic in the world about you!
We are all so busy now I know that I certainly am. I have a job I enjoy doing while I enjoy working with the people I work with it is not fulfilling my potential and it is not the job I want to be doing this time next year and certainly not for the rest of my life . For the moment it is paying the bills so it is my transition job for which I am grateful for!
The job I REALLY want to do, and the job I will be focusing on from this month is to be the go to person to give talks about what children can do for their mental health, so giving talks to parents and children about how them can mentally prepare to deal with life.
We go to school to learn facts and figures but we are not taught about our feelings and what we can do to help ourselves to improve our own emotional lives. There are lots of children out there who are struggling, depending on others to make themselves better when they have the tools within them to do that ! Developing their Emotional Resilience is enhancing their ability to bounce back regardless what happens in your life! Powerful stuff
To succeed I had to change my mind-set from being employed to being an business women, I wanted this passion to develop to my life’s work, one that would support me ! It was not an easy transition when you come from a background of being a natural carer to putting a value on yourself your experience and the importance of what you have to teach .
I have found it pretty challenging to put a price on my experiences, it was with baby steps that I gradually developed a feeling of power behind the wisdom of what it was I had to teach, the impact it would have on others and learned something of the value of myself .
This is something everyone has to do for themselves , if you do not develop this ability you will be doing yourself a disservice and robbing the world of the unique power of you!
In developing a business mindset I find that I spend my time filled with things…. working, Networking, Facebook, Twitter, Blogging, learning how to be business woman, files, invoices, money going in and out, making contacts, as well as being a mother of 3 adult children all still living at home. As this is all new it feels like I am learning a new language all at once and it can feel overwhelming. So I found that my brain can get fired up with daily activities and before I know it I am overloaded and overwhelmed.
Take a step back!
I have found It is important to get some perspective and streamline so you are not doing everything together.Beginners mistake that you have to do everything.
Now I am on committee of Network Dublin and I meet amazing supportive women from whom I get ideas support and strength, last year I did a lot of networking and found that it was too much so Network Ireland, Dublin branch is where I got the most support and where I spread my wings. Irish Biz Party and Women who Inspire are on line groups where we share and support each other.
I have learned to write down all I have to do instead of trying to remember it all.
I have also discovered the benefit of taking a day off of giving myself a break. Media free for 24 house, heaven. To read ,write, lie in bed, go for a walk it makes a difference to your perspective. You need to give yourself days off EVERY WEEK or you will not survive and the world needs you to survive.
Delegate, use a virtual PA to help you with some of the work for you, you don’t have to do nor do you have to do it all at once.
Mentoring I tried before and found it was too much pressure I felt I was on second floor before I had dug my foundations. I have now dug my foundations and it is time to focus on the next phase so I am embracing mentoring again, I feel that for the next phase to succeed it is what I need it keep me focused. Streamlining my business that I will put my energy on what will expand my business and do the greatest good , so that I will learn to work smart and to succeed.
Lessons learned – Give yourself a Break!
I have learned to give myself a break, to be discerning with every new idea, focus on the one that feels right so that I am not running out of steam. I have learned to use the skills I have, practicing what I preach so to speak ,to ask for help, use meditation to sooth my brain , to take at least a day off that includes from all media all of this helps recharge my energy so allowing me to take the next step . I gain new energy and perspective!
So go on everyone give yourself a break, you are worth it and you will need it to succeed!
No matter how much work you do on yourself there are still going to be triggers that are going to set off emotions that you thought you had dealt with. It’s like that advertisement for Jaws the movie years ago it said “Just when you thought it was safe to go into the water” so you thought your had dealt with your stuff and you found that they still had power over your life.
I came across this myself this week and the realization that the job I am now doing, that for the moment is paying my bills is not for my greater good. This week has brought up a lot of stuff that I thought I had dealt with , about my self esteem and valuing myself, imagine to my surprise that I discovered that there I was unconsciously undervaluing myself and finding myself being undervalued in return and boy was that a trigger! So the comfort of working with people I like and being paid a wage is not enough to keep me captive, time to liberate myself .
Emotional Freedom Techniques
With my life trigger came realization, but the emotions still had to be dealt with and boy were they powerful so out came EFT emotional freedom techniques, using tapping on meridian points to diffuse and release these emotions. It has allowed me to take the charge out of the emotions, allowing me to focus on what I learned and what it is I have to do next. Powerful tool.
There is always a catalyst that spurs you on , sends you in a new direction, or both, so while my realization that my job is not for me anymore is a spur, it is time to put myself out there, doing what it is that I should be doing, my life’s work so to speak…… helping children help themselves.
This is something that I have been skirting around for a while , afraid to take the plunge because it is so scarily different to be out on your own as opposed to the comfort in working for someone else and having a regular wage coming in. This is something I have to overcome or else I will not succeed and I know staying where I am is not an option, I will be miserable because I am in the wrong place at the wrong time and life is not meant to be endured it is meant to be enjoyed and I love enjoying life!
Getting out of my comfort zone
So that time has come to come out of my comfort zone, I have subconsciously been preparing for this moment for a while and it will take a couple of months to set up, so I am using the power of Intent to start events in motion. My Intention is to be hugely successful ,that the talks to be helpful informative and transforming for the children, with a knock on effect of positively transforming their futures .To be able to do that I have to get out of my own way and get out and do it!
I have been asked to give a talk in Castlerea to the national school about transitioning from National School to Secondary school it is a talk I gave for the first time last October it was for parents and children. It was amazing and I loved it , it was about what children can do for themselves now to prepare themselves for life, this is so important that is should be taught in as soon as children start school. It was an amazing start and will be a template for the future talks which will evolve and grow!
Over the last month I have employed a Virtual PA and set up a database of national schools in Dublin and am going to contact each one and let them know I am available to give this talk, it’s a start and its scary and exciting at the same time. Positive baby steps but creating forward momentum!
I am so grateful for the National School in Castlerea to ask me to speak in the first place, getting such positive feedback and asking me back was a huge honour. My eternal gratitude.
So haven’t ironed out all the kinks, some procrastination involved in doing a run through of talk, but that is what my bank holiday is for……..practice and relaxation!